In everyday interactions, our words and actions often have unintended effects on others, leading to misunderstandings or frustration—especially in challenging conversations. However, there is a simple tool for better conversations.
This exercise, which I regularly use in mediations, may feel unfamiliar at first. Yet its impact is profound in clarifying misunderstandings and promoting respectful exchange. It allows individuals to reflect on their own intentions and the effects their behaviour has on others, a critical step in fostering collaborative solutions. I also implement this exercise in group conversations, such as board meetings, to support clear and productive discussions.
The Reflective Communication Exercise
This exercise is structured around three core reflections: Situation, Intention, and Impact, followed by a Wish for how the conversation could have gone. Here’s how to apply it:
Step-by-Step Instructions:
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Situation: Think of a specific situation that was difficult for you.
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Reflection Questions: Ask yourself the following:
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Intention: What did I want to achieve in this situation?
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Impact: How might the other person have felt?
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Wish: What would I have liked from the other person?
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Example A:
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Situation: “I criticised a suggestion, saying it wasn’t well thought out.”
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Intention: “I wanted to ensure the best outcome for our project.”
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Impact: “The other person felt attacked.”
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Wish: “I would have liked us to work together to find solutions.”
Example B:
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Situation: “You never listen to me!”
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Intention: “I wanted to express that I wish for more alignment.”
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Impact: “The other person may have felt attacked or misunderstood.”
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Wish: “I felt unheard and wished for more collaboration.”
Why This Exercise is Effective
When we take the time to reflect on the intention behind our words and their perceived impact, we create opportunities to:
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Clarify Misunderstandings: By acknowledging both perspectives, it becomes easier to bridge communication gaps.
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Promote Respectful Exchanges: Conscious reflection promotes empathy and mutual respect.
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Rebuild Trust: Reflection and openness help pave the way for constructive conversations.
- Avoid Assumptions: Avoid assumptions about how others are feeling or thinking or what their intentions are.
Application in Mediation and Group Settings
In my mediation practice, I guide participants through this exercise during both individual and joint sessions. It helps uncover why conversations may have taken a certain direction and encourages perspective shifts.
In group settings like board meetings, this tool creates a safe environment where each person’s voice is acknowledged and heard.
How to Use Reflective Communication in Your Everyday Life
Whether you’re navigating a difficult one-on-one conversation or facilitating group discussions, this tool is invaluable for enhancing communication.
Start by integrating it into your own reflections, and encourage others to do the same. You’ll likely notice a shift in how differences are approached and bridged.
If you’re interested in learning more about facilitated dialogue and guided conversation techniques, feel free to reach out. I specialise in workplace mediations and communication enhancement strategies designed to create safe and solution-focused environments.